Monday,July 16 2012
Today I am not going to write about my opinions of anything, I am not going to express my sentiment or disappointment with anything on my mind..I am simply going to write about something that is very near and dear to my heart.
This Friday, which would be July 20th is a fairly big day for me..not big for marking the fact that it is any kind of accomplishment or anything but big for another reason…This friday will mark the nine year anniversary of the day I lost my mom to a long fought battle with cancer.
Nine years ago I was just a boy, I had just barely turned 14 the previous month. I was still an awkward teenager with social anxiety and a new pair of glasses. I was pretty mature for my age back then…a necessity so I would could put on a smile and be strong for my 11 year old brother. I would of never thought for one minute that day of what my life would be like without my mom..I mean what kid would? When she told us in early 2003 that she was going up to OHSU for a bone marrow transplant, we had made plans that when she returned home, her,my brother and I would be going on our first ever family vacation out to Disneyland in California. I went to school for those next few months until summer break believing that when I was done with school, that mom would be feeling better and I would get to go and visit her while she was in her final stages of recovery.
Let me tell you, everyone that it is the hardest thing in the world to sit there and watch your only mother suffer and know that there is nothing that you can do about it..especially when your only 14 years old.
We got to Portland at the start of our summer break and I actually saw her doing better! She had many health problems still but I thought that she was looking better and I was looking forward to being able to go home with her before the start of the next school year…but unfortunately that never got to happen. Starting in early July she started to get worse, and before I knew it, I had to see her on a ventilator, unable to talk or breathe on her own. She died a short time later…on July 20th 2003 at the young age of 34.
I am a full grown man now, nine years later and her death still has a profound impact on my life. I think about her every day I wake up and before I go to sleep. It was hard for me at first to fully grasp the fact that I would never be able to see her again, but I overcame..if only a little. I will never be completely okay with that, but that is fine with me. Truth is, I should never be okay with it, but I accept it. My mom was a wonderful woman, a terrific mother and a person that many others will never forget.
I remember at her funeral, my mom always said that she did not really have very many friends but I saw a lot of people at that funeral, family and friends alike.
My message to anyone that is reading this…appreciate your mothers. They might have flaws, and nobody is perfect but your mother is the only one that you will ever have. I know I wish I could of appreciated my mom even more then I did..I wish every day im alive that I could get to see her one more time. So dont just call your mom on mothers day, dont just give her a “bye” when you hang up the phone after talking to her. If you are mad at your mother then call and make up with her…who cares what the situation is, the bond between a mother and a child is something that can be frayed but never broken.
And one final word…Rest in Peace Kelly Ann McCamey; August 14 1969-July 20 2003. I love you mom and I miss you every day. I hope I have made you proud of the man I have become