If you were to ask me a year ago if I would ever be in a position to move up with my job I would of said no way in hell. I had just started at Winco and I was slow, only just started to learn where everything was and was really quiet..preferred to just blend in and do my job, then go home. Ask me now..and I would say something far different
I was told yesterday that I might be next in line for the Lead Clerk position…I was asked if I would even want it and I shrugged it off like “Sure, why not” but truth be told….I definitely want it. I know I could do it, and I know I would be good at it and I want it. Keep in mind that I would have to apply for it and go through the interview process and as of now they are not looking for any more candidates..but next time they are looking for people to apply for Lead Clerk I will definitely apply for it, and when I get the interview I will blow the Store Manager away and when I get the job, I will rock it
Confidence and cockiness are not to be confused..I have confidence im not cocky
Yesterday was kind of a hard day for me. I lost someone very close to me…I lost my cat, Bobby. I know, its only a cat, and I should be a man and pretend that I dont have feelings and guys are supposed to like dogs and all those masculine stereotypes but I really dont care.
I had that cat for 18 years…18 YEARS! I am only 24 years old so I have had her for most of my life. We got her when she was only 2 months old. She was one of 2 survivors of her litter after it was attacked by an older tomcat that found them. She was originally going to be my brothers cat, as I already had one at the time named Gizmo, but Gizmo died a few years later and Brandon and I shared her.
Oh, and as for her name, im sure that anyone reading this noticed that she was a girl cat and her name was Bobby..well we were originally going to have a male cat, and the man that my mom was dating at the time was going to get to name it. He wanted to name it Bob, but then there was the aforementioned accident with the tomcat, so we ended up getting a girl, but he kept the name. We tried to change it after my mom wasnt dating the guy anymore but Bob stuck…we just called her Bobby cause it sounded at least slightly like it could be feminine.
Bob was with us forever. We moved at least half a dozen times and took her with us. One time when we were living out in the Amazon area of Springfield, our crazy neighbor took her and wouldnt give her back, but we got her back.She was around for me when my mom died and ever so slightly helped my brother and I with our grief. Even when I moved to live with my dad after Mom died and I couldnt take her with me, she stayed at my Grandmas for 4 years, and when I moved back there after I turned 18 she was there waiting for me
Not many pets will last for 18 years…hell not many of them last for ten, but Bobby did. She lived a long and prosperous life, having 3 litters of kittens, one of which from her first litter is still alive and kicking as my Great-Grandmothers cat. Bobby was more than my pet though..she was family…It will be hard for a while when I see her empty food dish, but its okay….Say hi to my mom for me Bobby
I really need to get out of here..and by here I dont just mean Eugene, I mean the whole state of Oregon. I have lived here my whole life and I am damn tired of it. Im not a hippie, im not a redneck which automatically excludes me from the two biggest groups in this god forsaken state.
Everyone I know, my family and friends all talk about how much they love Oregon and how they never want to leave…some ask me why I would want to leave such a “wonderful” place..Apparently, there is a good quality of life here, its a great place to raise a family at and blah, blah ,blah..truth is that I do not give a f^%k..Im single, I have no prospects at the moment..I waste all my thoughts on a girl who is obviously out of my league (and not single anyway) and even if I wasnt all these things I just listed, I wouldnt want to stay in Oregon anyway…
Whenever my opportunity comes I fully intend to leave this state and never live here again (odds are that I will end up coming back for family and friend visits)..Where will I go? I want to live a big city life..im not talking about fricking Portland..I hate Portland and I would never live there…I have thought about 5 places where I would go…Seattle cause it seems like the kind of place I would mesh in well,New Orleans for the fantastic food and fascinating history with all the french influence, Indianapolis because of all the major midwest cities, I think I would enjoy living in most,San Francisco because i find it to be one of the most fascinating and exciting cities in the country, and New York City because I definitely could become a New Yorker and because I would love to live on the East Coast (my younger brother insists its awful but him and I are completely different people).
I wont be here forever…..I cant….I think I was never born to be an Oregonian
I really like people who have talents..from musicians to actors to people I meet while I am out, I really like seeing people who are good at something. That is probably why I am attracted to women with musical talents so much…play a piano or guitar or bass or you sing? Ladies I can already tell I like you! As for my talents, I would say that I am a fairly good writer but I am the only critic judging so who am I to say? I have a very good, almost eidetic memory, but it is not the best and I can forget some things. I am a knowledge sponge and know random facts on far too many things (im awesome at most trivia games). Even though I dont have any musical talents that I know of ( I want them though) I have a very good set of ears and can hear notes really well (I can usually tell if someone singing is on key or not)..I dont know if any of those are useful talents and I certainly wont be winning any talent shows but oh well I digress…
Time to go and read..im halfway into “A Clash Of Kings” by George RR Martin and it is my goal to have the entire “A Song Of Ice And Fire” series finished (the published ones…when is Winds Of Winter coming GRRM???) by the time Game Of Thrones Season 4 starts (which is the second half book 3 A Storm Of Swords)
Like everyone in the last 72 hours, I have heard constant talk of the George Zimmerman murder trial and its outcome. For those that dont know, Mr Zimmerman was accused of killing a 16 year old boy named Trayvon Martin in Florida when he felt that the teenager was a threat to his life. Zimmerman shot and killed the teenager and he was on trial for his death. If you want to know more on the case itself then I suggest that you google it and read some of the numerous articles by far bettter journalists than myself…If you want to hear me rant about how Zimmerman got away with murder, or if i think that he was innocent and justice was served..I wont do that, because my opinion is that..I dont have the slightest idea what happened. I was not there;I didnt see it;I do not know Mr Zimmerman,Mr Martin or either of their families and I will not take a side.
What I do have to say is how absolutely disgusted I am with the american public on the outcome of this case. The people supporting Martin are calling for vengeance and marking Zimmerman for vigilante justice, the people that support Zimmerman are out mocking those that supported the other side and treating the young mans death as something to brush off and proudly shouting about gun rights..its absolutely deplorable.
First of all, the only person in the entire world that knows exactly what happened in that case is George Zimmerman…He is the only person alive that was there and he knows exactly what happened. Did he shoot Martin because he felt his life was in danger, or was he just an overzealous neighborhood watchman who racially profiled a young, black kid and got trigger happy…he knows…We know what he insisted in court and all that but was he just trying to stay out of prison or telling the truth??? only he knows. Who doesnt know is the family of himself. or Trayvon Martin, or the attorneys for both sides as they were not there..AND who doesnt know are the people who are feigning their support to either side and stood with picket signs outside the courthouse during the trial. I am constantly reading facebook and twitter posts from both sides that seem to insinuate that they know exactly what happened and that justice was served/not served…here is a newsflash…YOU DONT!!!..Every time I read these from the people that talk like they were standing there during the event, I shudder….And when I hear about these people who claim that they will bring violence to Mr Zimmerman or the ones that say they will get their guns and protect Mr. Zimmerman I shake my head in disgust..
I really dont understand how every decisive event in this country can turn into a political debate…Conservatives waving their guns in the air celebrating him getting away, Liberals who claim racism and will go to the death for a retrial..it is all just another excuse for one side of the politicl spectrum to claim the stupidity of the other side and claim that their side is the “only smart and sane one”..its stupid.
What is lost in all this is the fact that a young man lost his life…Guilty or not, Mr Zimmerman is not a battle hardened soldier or a serial killer so he will have to live with the fact that he took another human life..self defense or not, because of him, Trayvon Martin is not alive anymore. That is punishment enough for me because that is a fact that cannot be argued..Grieve for the family of Trayvon Martin…dont try and get defensive over something that you will never know about…Did Zimmerman think Martin was suspicious because he was black? I dont know, and neither do you..Knowing race relations in this country I would not dismiss it, but I dont know nor does anyone but George Zimmerman
General Public…leave it be, let our justice system do its thing..Its not perfect but outside of mind reading it never will be…
To the family of Trayvon Martin, I am sorry for your loss..I know you didnt get the justice you wanted but still..thats just how it is..Unless Zimmerman admits something different or some new irrevocable evidence shows up, this is what you get..Know this, he will always know what he did, this will change Zimmermans life forever, he will not go to sleep again without seeing Trayvons face
I spent the better part tonight going to a show at Luckeys in downtown Eugene. I had a few beers and saw a good punk rock band and overall I had an okay time. i never understand why people say that they dont want to do something because they dont want to do it alone. I mean I do see how awkward and strange it is to be sitting in a bar by yourself drinking a beer but what does that matter? Sure I like doing things with other people but of all the people that I hang out with, most of them like to barhop a lot and dont really go somewhere to see the music..thats fine but I am a creature of habit..I am not too much of a fan of hopping from bar to bar.
I go places by myself because im not afraid of being alone…its not that big of a deal,.,
I hate it when I cant get out of my own head. I think most of my insomnia problems lie with the fact that I am always thinking..about the future…about the past..and lately about the present, specifically one person in the present.
I am not gonna lie…my dating history is pretty nonexistent, definitely not for lack of interest but more to do with my crippling social anxiety and the fact that I was so out of place in high school I probably couldn’t of even gotten a date. I have had crushes before..most of them were just fleeting “wow she sure is pretty” ones. Because I had no “game” as they call it that was usually the extent of everything. The biggest crush I had on anyone in school was Katie Newbold in 7th grade..but I had to move after 7th grade because of my moms death and I probably would of never gotten a chance with a girl like that anyway (i also had crippling self confidence issues).
Lately though I have felt like I was back in high school though..at risk of this blog post sounding like a high school girls diary..i just dont care because its my blog and I can write whatever I damn well please. I have a major attraction (we will call it that to sound more adult) on someone I met about 5 years ago through my friends ex girlfriend. She is probably one of the most interesting people I have ever known, and her and I are a lot alike, from our music interests to some of the problems we deal with in everyday life…and this is the cause of my insomnia. She has a blog as well and I read hers from time to time and I feel like I have grown to know a lot more about her…and how eerily similar we are.
We do hang out every once in a while, but we have not lately…she has been sick and unable to and all that does is make my mind go through all of these absurd ideas that “she is avoiding me” or “giving me the runaround”. Knowing her as a friend I know this isnt true but my mind is a crazy mother f#$ker. Honestly even if nothing else ever happens between us all I really want is to become better friends with her…go to the barcade and play arcade games and drink cheap beer and shoot the shit, or go to a show at a local bar every once in a while
also texting is a awful invention…and the fact that it is the main method of communication (outside of social networking) is awful…you cant tell how someone says something through text and when there isnt an immediate reply all your mind does is give you the runaround on why there is no reply…and then it comes hours later and you are afraid to look at it..even though its probably nothing
back to my earlier topic..my mind is pretty messed up..I go to her place of work and if she isnt working I just walk out…not in love, I think there has to be a lot more than that for love, but a deep attraction, a secret crush (though my best friends know)..and it keeps me up at night…ahh that sucks!!!!!